Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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