I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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