I'm eating all of the evidence.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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