Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
