and next time when you feel me up, do it right
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize