I hope mine doesn't look like that
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't turn off my feet"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
