Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
