sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
