I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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