I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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