i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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