Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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