omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
