I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
