the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
