so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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