Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
