Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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