Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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