Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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