sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
