Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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