I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't think brook has ever known best
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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