I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
