spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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