3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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