my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
