...so i touched it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
