I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's never too late to be topless.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
