I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
