I didn't shave. On purpose
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
