What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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