dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
