do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
