Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
