If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
