If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
