Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
