Old men and throwing up are my life now.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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