Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
