New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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