he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
