the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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