I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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