whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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