ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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