i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Found the puke drawer
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
