I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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