I can tuck mytits in my pants
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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