she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
