Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
