would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't turn off my feet"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
