I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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