i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
