i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
