if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
