Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
