wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
