Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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