return my video game
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
