There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
