Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
