Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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