I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
