This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
