I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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