nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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