You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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