Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
