so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
