You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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