I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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