You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
