he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
