I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
