I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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