the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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