Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize